Cathay Air tried to Kill Me

So as most of you know I have finally departed for Thailand. I know most of you are thinking that's awesome or I'm so jealous I wish I was going. You know what fuck that.

Cathay Air Tried to Kill Me

Yeah that’s right you heard me they tried to kill me. Here I am up at the crack of dawn on April 1st getting ready to catch my 15 1/2 hr flight to Hong Kong & then another 2 1/2 hr flight to Bangkok. I'm thinking not to bad I got all sorts of toys, movies & drugs to help me through this horrific experience.

I should have known as soon as I saw all the corpses & by corpses I mean the droves of almost dead elderly arrive for the flight that no matter what this flight was gonna suck. It was like I was either in a b-movie Flight of the Zombie or a flying nursing home. I was even asking myself if they would be serving hard food on this flight or was the special Gerber Mashed Peas.


OK so we are all on the flight my I got my two decaying bodies next to me, not to bad because the dead can sleep through anything & I got the aisle seat. Seats aren't to bad but not great a little tight but that’s what the drugs are for. Take off a breeze & now the food some sort of egg science project gone wrong but hey I'm hungry & I'll eat anything. Wrong choice instantly after eating my stomach is killing me so now I am 2 hrs into the flight & my stomach is upset.


Oh wait what’s that 2 screaming kids Yes! What’s a long haul flight without screaming children. Apparently I am the only one who hears them but don't worry I voice my displeasure to the parents numerous times & lets just say I will not be our there x-mas list.

So here it is I'm a little over 3 hrs into the flight my stomach is killing me & now my head is pounding. At about the 8 hr mark I was just begging for the plane to crash just so this whole thing would be over. Finally we land & I'm off to my first of the many lovely bathrooms of the Hong Kong Airport to throw up. The airport staff were looking at me the whole time I was sweating, red in the face & probably looked like I should be on an episode of Locked up Abroad having just smuggled heroin in condoms I swallowed.

Well the good news is I only have 2 1/2 more hrs of this the bad news is I'm still fucking sick. At least I was able to get some sleep on this flight. Land, clear customs & get me luggage in 20 minutes not to bad I'll be at my hotel in 25 minutes & can puke in private. That was until we hit traffic an hour later finally a nice private place for me to lay down & hug the porcelain god.

Well I made it barely but I am here & I am in Bangkok...